Live-in Monsters in India and the Institution of Marriage!

It's out of piercing anguish and pain that makes me write these lines. The fundamental fact of life is that it has always been imperfect. Nothing about human beings and their society is perfect. Perfection always remains a dream, perhaps the way God desires.

The institution of marriage was born and evolved out of sheer necessity. And, since a long time back this system had been marked as one of the most imperfect or even regressive ones. There were love marriages or arranged marriages, but it got proved again and again that there was no guarantee of happiness in either. Divorce thus has become the order of the day in almost all countries and with it women's liberty has been the thundering clarion call. Nothing wrong in that, absolutely.

But, what have we got as a result? Mangled and chopped bodies of women in all corners of our country? Yes, you can put in immediately a reference about the horrible dowry deaths, the honor killings, subjugation of the fairer sex within the four walls and the numbing atrocities committed in the streets, in cars and so on. Well, I must clarify that I'm not in support of any system created by the flesh and blood of humans.

However, the institution of marriage still has some advantages: marriages happen mostly between known families with their social status also known; things are always sorted out, allowing the boy and the girl know each other well; and of course, there is always a family support system in case the couple face problems.

But what about the live-in system that apparently grants full freedom to women to choose their partners and which in turn ensures women liberty? Well, how do they choose? From the extremely superficial and dangerous social media platform or from the casual working/drinking/smoking sessions? Okay, let it be, dedicated to the ideal of an equal society. But how do they know each other before deciding on a live-in relationship? Who are there to protect the girls who suddenly discover the monsters within their liberated four walls? Physical inequality is something that has to be accepted by all, and the concerned parents, despite living in a digital egalitarian world, still cry scandal or stigma in case of live-ins concerning their children and insulate themselves against any interaction. So, the girls are left alone to fight the monsters—fights they cannot realistically hope to win.

The emerging situation is in India at the moment thus suffocating and unbearable with the chosen male life-partners cum monsters killing and chopping the bodies of their supposed beloved, storing the parts in fridges or throwing outside and some perverts even roasting or cooking those parts. Again, no perfect solution for all such imperfect systems! The immediate solution that comes to the mind is that of granting a legal recognition to live-ins, although live-in relationships in India at the moment are not illegal either, in terms of at least a provisional registration and a certificate like in the institution of marriage. Or that of a mandatory courtship period in the process of registration? At the same time, the self-assertive girls should apply full caution and doubly ensure safety, identifying the true colors of the persons they're going to live-in with, and their families must not wave their hands in absolute surrender and instead, try to keep up social mixing. Besides, the politicians must desist from making brownie points in sourcing out the faith or caste or religion related identities of the perverted perpetrators, and instead, focus their movements on girl-safety and reducing crimes against women.

Love Marriage Or Arranged Marriage?

Love marriage or arranged marriage? Which is better? Better to avoid the marital complexity of loving to love or arranging to love or loving to arrange or loving to adjust or adjusting to love and all that! Better concentrate first on the simplicity of love itself. …Sorry? …For the sake of making a beginning at least…yaar! Love is not that simple…we know! But what’s wrong in trying?

Once upon a time there was an aunt of mine who was waiting for quite a long time to get arranged to marry. With her parents already departed, the brothers tried and failed. It was becoming a matter of serious concern when my mother that is one of the elder sisters of the aunt struck upon a brilliant idea of arrangement.

One professionally employed nice and bright boy from the aunt’s native place got appointed in the town we were living in. He used to visit us frequently often making it to lunch or dinners. My mother called her sister over to our place and told her specifically to come for at least one month. The sweet, homely and always smiling aunt arrived to our great joy.

Meantime my mother talked to the boy’s elder sister also living in our town and through her obtained a token permission from the boy’s parents to make the arrangements. The boy came over one evening and…they met! The first seeds of an arranged marriage were sown. The get-to-know-each-other campaign started in all earnest with the boy visiting us almost every evening and for long hours.

We were getting annoyed since every time after serving tea and snacks we were sternly told to leave the room so that the boy and the girl could arrange privately. As small children our curiosity kept on growing thinking what they could possibly be doing!

The sitting room where they passed the hours had an adjacent storeroom with a high window in between always closed as it served no purpose. The lower half of the window was curtained up in the sitting room, but the top transparent glass panes were uncovered. We began to focus on those.

Standing up on a wooden stool in the storeroom we could reach up to the top glass panes and peep inside. It was not easy to just walk and sneak into the storeroom as we had to do our homework compulsorily. But the efforts paid dividends as we managed to have uninterrupted views one particular evening. We witnessed the boy taking up the aunt’s hands fondly into his! We got thrilled and cried victory.

The same night we confronted our aunt with our great discovery and ordered her to explain. Our sweet aunt gave a heavenly smile and squeezed our cheeks uttering ‘Wicked ones!’ We could understand the meaning of that heavenly smile only years later…it was love…damn it!

The arranged marriage took place in due course and the couple lived happily ever after. They had completed more than forty years of conjugal bliss and still looked forward to more, beaming and full of life.

Cut to a little recent time when we were freshly out of university and looking for jobs. In a particular hilly town where we lived then we all knew about a particular lover couple whose selfless love for each other was a constant talk in our sittings and a source of inspiration. Only their respective families did not know and nobody bothered to inform them.

Every evening they met on the streets and passed hours together, and of course, sometimes with us too. One of my friends used to joke saying the lover birds were always in search of some dark corners where they could realize their love to sublime perfection.

They managed to get married through love alone in due course. By that time we got scattered with jobs in different places. But we used to meet once in a while.

Maybe two years after the love marriage I met few of my old friends. What I heard paralyzed me with shock. I looked on disbelievingly. There were reports that the lover boy started beating his eternal love up now and then, and sometimes violently. Both of them were employed as lecturers in different colleges and the news spread fast through their colleagues. I felt relieved that the girl could at least be independent if needed.

One year later they started living separately despite having a house owned jointly out of love, and then the divorce came inevitably. Their two children got divided between them.

Was it love in the love marriage? Certainly not. Was it love in the arranged marriage? Certainly yes! What stands out basically is love! In its truest form, of course. If that ‘love’ happens you hardly need to adjust or compromise or manage or arrange or derange! If you can find happiness and bliss with your companion after even the most bitterest of all quarrels, it is love. Love could be cunning and selfish too, and in those cases it does not last whether you arrange it or love to love it.

Love marriage or arranged marriage? None of the two is either better or worse. Any of the two can be heavenly if love is there. And love just happens. If you are not convinced at all, which is only natural, brainstorm more here!

Just love!