Search This Blog

Showing posts with label Humor In Corruption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor In Corruption. Show all posts

Humor In Corruption: The Cattle Ransom!



Once upon a time somewhere in India there lived an young man who dropped out of school due to family poverty and later was appointed as a caretaker of a house under construction in the suburbs of a big town by the benevolent owner. The young man built a small thatched hut in the campus and started living there doing odd jobs apart from taking care. Soon he mixed well with the neighboring households and began to take errands from them too. Thus he somewhat earned the name of a Good Samaritan. However, things were not that met the eye.

That winter was unusually dry with the rains refusing to pour even in little drops. The greenery in the neighborhood vanished and the cows owned by a few families had a hard time finding green pastures to graze. The heads of the households therefore had to take the decision of untethering their cattle so that the animals could graze freely in nearby paddy fields feeding mainly on the dry and cut straws.

Things started happening fast. Almost every day someone’s cow would be missing making the owner tense and agitated. Late evening the young man would turn up with the missing animal saying he had rescued it from the distant village where villagers put it under arrest for damaging their garden plants. The owner would thank him profusely.

The situation changed radically. One evening the young man turned up in someone’s house empty handed saying that the missing cow could not be rescued as the villagers demanded money for release. He said the villagers were very angry and they threatened to sell the cows off on the next intrusion. The owner paid up easily and gratefully. The ransom money began to be collected too frequently for comfort now and some owners had to pay ransom several times a month. Few other stories about the young man started unfolding at that time casting grave suspicion on his activities or associations. Finally, due to continuous pressure applied by some of the owners the young man admitted his crime or corrupt acts. Very soon his elder brother replaced him as the caretaker.

This story is quite relevant even now. Still we find top political leaders stealing animal fodder across our cattle country to make money. However, in an exemplary display of love for animals, only the other day a Uttar Pradesh senior minister deputed a troop of state police personnel in pursuit of his seven stolen buffaloes and even punished three of them for dereliction of duty and not finding the missing animals sooner enough. The full state police force was right royally engaged for days to find their minister’s stolen buffaloes. Fortunately the police found all the animals in different areas of the state and more positively no ransom was found to be behind the theft. The animal lovers of this great country has now some real good reasons to rejoice.

Humor In Corruption: Speed Money And The Honesty Dilemma!


Somewhere in India.  In a small nondescript town two friends are sorting out issues. 
 
Friend 1: “Hi buddy! ...You seem to be in a bit of a worry. What happened?” 

Friend 2: “Well, a debate is raging within me…You know I told you about my land settlement issue. Job is almost done except for one last document. And the concerned official is asking for ‘speed’ money to expedite it quickly…”

Friend 1: Ha! Speed money? The legalized term for a plain simple bribe? 

Friend 2: “I don’t really know. People nowadays hardly have enough time for odd jobs. But these have to be done too. I’m told people readily pay ‘speed’ money to save precious time. …Anyway, my predicament is not actually that. Something else is disturbing me…”

Friend 1: “You mean to say you are ready to pay bribes! How could you be so immune to the anti-corruption wave going on around?” 

Friend 2: “How do I matter? Meaning how do I solve the problem by my so extremely personal example? I need to close this chapter quickly for my own benefit. …And what do you see? Arvind Kejriwal has become the Chief Minister in no other place than the capital of our country. But what happens? People are still brazenly paying and accepting bribes there. You need a news channel sting to bring it to the government. You see, like all bad elements in our blood such as cholesterol or creatinine ‘corruption’ too runs in the Indian veins.”

Friend 1: “If everybody thinks like you what changes can you expect in this god forsaken country! ...Anyway, tell me your real problem.” 

Friend 2: “Okay, I pay the speed money…bribe… for the job. Now I’d expect the job to be done quickly as assumed. But would they be loyal enough to do that? I mean if they just pocket the money and do nothing!” 

Friend 1: “Ha! Ha! Ha! Trust the corrupt? No my friend, you cannot even expect the minimal ‘honesty’ in corruption in this…whatever country! Well, if you include bribe-takers in the larger tribe of criminals, and rightly so, then criminals need to show some sort of ‘honesty’ too in their dealings or crimes. But no, but they don’t care…you must have seen in so many Bollywood movies how one member of a gang finally eliminates his/her ‘comrades’ or ‘partners’ or ‘inseparable friends’ to run away with the loot!” 

Friend 2: “Yes, that is why…I am unable to decide what to do…”

Friend 1: “But why should you join the ‘criminals’ by being a bribe-giver? Why at all? Say a loud NO to bribes and decide once and for all. …Wait for your job to be done in the normal course.”

Humor In Corruption: The Grateful Bribe Taker!



The corrupt are the most despicable creatures infesting our Mother Earth in large numbers, particularly India. This is just not right not to be seriously critical about it. However some amount of humor in corrupt practices is always there to tickle you in the abyss of absolute darkness. And, if you are corrupt you can still laugh in a guilt-ridden introspection and maybe you give it up in the effort to enjoy. If you are honest you can laugh all the clearer and louder. Since in the present constipated situation in India you need to laugh out a lot we have decided to start a new Series ‘Humor In Corruption’ on September 8, 2013 and today this is the second installment. If you have your experience on this please leave your plot or write out the full story as a ‘comment’ below. We will publish it in your name.

Once upon a time somewhere in India I was having my warm cup of tea wrapped up cozily in woolens with the newspapers for extra company that wintry morning. I was on a family visit to one of my relatives in a lonely little town. My relative was an officer of the civil service posted there. I was to take the afternoon bus back home that day.

There was a knock on the door, and immediately the man servant came up to open it. As the door opened I could get a glimpse of two men in not so presentable attire fighting against the cold and with rather haggard looks. The servant asked them to wait and ran inside. I directed my attention back to my newspaper assuming that, as usual, they were the locals with those land related problems or issues.

My relative entered with a bovine smile as if he was expecting them, and waved them inside. Only then I noticed the loads they carried. One entered with two real big river fishes and laid them on the floor. The other entered with a maund of rice (maybe around 25 kilos), opened it a little and showed the variety. I immediately recognized it as the finest quality of rice with a sweet fragrance. The men stood aside bowing respectfully.

Aware of my quizzical looks my relative assured me, “Grateful folks, you know! How I helped them to clear their land settlement issues! No…it is not what you people want to think. They are just expressing their gratitude. This rice they have just harvested from the land they own now. And the fish…seem almost alive…no? Caught live and fresh from their ponds in their courtyards, you see!” The men remained expressionless all the while not even with faintest hint of a smile or grin.

I muttered to myself, oh really! They hardly sow and harvest this kind of export quality rice these areas. …And the fish seemed too big for their ponds. They must have spent a lot of money to be ‘grateful’. I kept on staring at the ‘gifts’ and back to the grinning officer.

Sensing my total unwillingness to believe him my relative came and sat by my side grinning ear to ear now. He called the servant who took away the loads to the kitchen. The men saluted and left. He leaned back on the sofa philosophically.
“You just cannot refuse such wonderfully simple and large hearted local folks, can you? That will break their hearts. It is only the love and joy they want to share with you. Anyway…I would suggest you stay back for the night. Have a feast! You’ll really relish the fish curry with that steaming and fragrant rice!”

I decided to take the 11 o’clock bus so that I did not have to stay even for lunch.  I refused to think about how heavenly the fish curry would taste.

“Grateful people!”
“(to myself) Grateful, huh? Try to fool me…you bloody fool!”

Humor In Corruption: The License To Drive Your Hurdles Away!



The corrupt are the most despicable creatures infesting our Mother Earth in large numbers, particularly India. This is just not right not to be seriously critical about it. However some amount of humor in corrupt practices is always there to tickle you in the abyss of absolute darkness. And, if you are corrupt you can still laugh in a guilt-ridden introspection and maybe you give it up in the effort to enjoy. If you are honest you can laugh all the clearer and louder. Since in the present constipated situation in India you need to laugh out a lot we have decided to start a new Series ‘Humor In Corruption’ from today. If you have your experiences on this please leave your plot or write out the full story as a ‘comment’ below. We will edit and publish it in your name.

Once upon a time one young man in a town somewhere in India submitted an application for a driving license in the local office. He had already bought a second-hand scooter and learnt how to drive it too through a friend trainer. As per normal procedure he was called for a driving test consisting of mostly objective questions. He wrote out his answers feeling relatively confident that he would sail through.

To his utter dismay he was informed that he failed miserably. He understood that some people there wanted money and if he reappeared the same result would follow. Therefore, he approached a family friend who was a high-ranking civil service officer. The officer spoke to concerned people in the transport office and asked the young man to go there the next day.

The young man nervously entered the room of the transport officer. His answer sheet was immediately called for. As the clerk brought it for inspection by the officer the young man could see the cross marks encompassing the sheet. The transport officer took his pen; cut out the cross marks and put in the ‘right’ marks against all the questions. The young man sat there spellbound.

“Okay…you have passed with distinction. Come tomorrow for the driving test and get your license.”

The young man was finally ready to drive away to ecstasy while some souls there in the office shed tears of agony of a missed opportunity.

CORRUPTIONLINKS DOT COM!

A social networking site needs tremendous number of users to succeed online. More the crowd more the online opportunities for advertising and marketing. Apart from the well known big ones many others are trying very hard to become a successful social networking site, but most of them in vain due to lack of active users.

Nowadays CORRUPTION is the keyword. There are so many scams out in the open and so many hidden. Scams involving billions of bucks link naturally to a huge number of rich and famous souls. Only problem is you don't know them. Controversies are being created everyday on links to some most powerful. You know it for sure, but officially it's all allegations only! Names and disclosures are demanded, but proofs provided by crooks are never considered officially.

NOW, in this unholy context, what if we provide a staggering online platform for all those corrupt crooks to come together! Call it CORRUPTIONLINKS DOT COM. Its success is guaranteed. It will need thousands of terabytes of space only to cater to users from India! Stalwarts from all fields possible--politics, finance, bureaucracy, sports, education etc--will act and interact together! There will be different categories like 2G Spectrum, Adarsh Society, Commonweal Games, Fake Pilots, Land and property deals, bribes counter and so on. Every category will have accounts of all users linked to that particular field. Just imagine the marketing response it's going to generate!

Only one basic strategic change we need to make. We can only call it an anti-social networking site!


Commotion at a Durga Puja!

  The Durga Puja pandal was quiet in the morning hours, except for the occasional bursts of incantations from the priests, amplified by th...