SBI: Structural Rigidities That Refuse to Leave the System?

The State Bank of India (SBI) has always been an active ingredient in our generational bloodstream—like in that of almost all of India’s state and central government employees and their families who have either salary accounts or pension accounts or deposit accounts or investment accounts or all the beneficiary accounts required by the governments to enjoy the benefits of various schemes. No doubt, the pressure on the bank has always been immense across the nooks and corners of the country, impacting the performances of the various branches. But the bank has been marching well with the digital developments over the years and for many of us the branch visits have been reduced to the minimum. Besides, the SBI’s net-banking site which is indeed a very secure and user-friendly, and the YONO App have done their bits to ease the hassles of the accountholders. However, despite the tremendous advancement of banking a few rickety old rules or diktats that we’d refer to as ‘structural rigidities’ still haunt the system and dilute many users’ otherwise seamless experience. As a loyal accountholder with SBI since the days of my father I’ve had my share of some nasty experiences that I intend to dwell upon here.

Quite a few years back my wife and I had applied for a home loan. Thanks to our branch along with the loan-sanctioning RACPC office of that metro city the process had been very friendly and hurdles-free. The loan being sanctioned the EMIs began to be deducted from my salary/savings account every month. The lady bank executive concerned also took pains to explain to us that the initial EMIs would be much higher and then from a year or so later it’d be reduced and stabilized. Of course, the ‘systemic’ text messages/emails/even phone calls came to every month urging me to pay on time as if the bank were blissfully unaware of the automatic deductions!

One fateful morning, after about three years of paying the EMIs, I found that the deduction for that month didn’t happen. It was perplexing, for there was absolutely no intimation to that effect. Instead of phoning the branch immediately I decided to wait for the bank’s intimations which I was sure would come sooner than later. One text message did come a few days later; but that only managed to worsen my confusion.

The text message stated that about a hundred bucks was pending in my home loan outstanding which needed to be paid immediately, else it was going to adversely affect my credit score. So, I logged in to my net-banking page and tried to transfer the paltry amount to the home loan account. To my horror the payment was not accepted. I tried again and again for days with the same adamant result. I phoned up my branch and after a seeming eternity of endless ringing one employee told me that the branch had no information about that and asked me to contact the RACPC office. I couldn’t do that because I had no telephone number of the concerned officer there. As I was out of town during that period I asked a friend of mine to go there and inquire. The friend obliged me, but said that no officer or clerk there could give him the required update.

So, the text messages kept on coming month after month and I kept on failing to transfer that hundred bucks. I was at my wit’s end. I wondered why the largest bank of India would thus go on crying for that hundred bucks instead of simply deducting it from my linked savings account or allowing me to transfer! Finally, not knowing what was the best course to resort to, I decided to courier a cheque of that fateful hundred bucks addressed to the RACPC to my friend asking him to personally hand over that at the office. He obliged me again, but informed me that the bank clerk refused to accept that cheque too.

Feeling sorry for my predicament which was absolutely for no fault of mine, the friend decided to tap all his sources in the bank and finally, someone asked him to go to a particular officer hidden at a desk somewhere in the labyrinth of the RACPC complex. That officer gave the monumental verdict we waited so desperately for: the said home loan account had stopped functioning because the concerned builder failed to complete the construction for the next phase and therefore the funds to be paid to him had been withheld, and that we needed to close the said account if we thought there was no hope of the housing project progressing further.

I was astounded. Why was this simple information not conveyed to me? Why were my transfers/payments not accepted? Why was that meagre amount not deducted from my linked savings account? And indeed, the supposed non-payment of the ‘EMIs’ (read 100 rupees) over the months did reduce my credit score substantially! The credit score page still reflects those ‘lapses’ to the SBI home loan! It’s another matter that eventually I went to the RACPC office along with my wife and friend and closed the account permanently, and finally, the ‘debt’ of hundred bucks was cleared! It’s also altogether a different matter that we lost our hard-earned money to the builder who had no inclination to compensate! But the questions for SBI remain! If these are not the rickety ancient rules or structural rigidities that refuse to leave the digitalized system alone then what are they?

More recently, I accepted the SBI’s offer of a pre-approved personal loan to tide over a temporary crisis. Everything was done on my net-banking page—the amount, the tenure, the immediate disbursement, the EMIs and the automatic deductions every month. I was really happy with the convenience of the process and tried to forget the previous unsavoury experience! I think I had read all the terms and conditions associated with the loan properly and thus I was sure I couldn’t find the clause that ‘partial pre-payment of the personal loan not allowed’, unlike most private banks.

Therefore, one fateful morning when I found that I had some surplus funds, I decided to pre-pay a substantial part of the total outstanding so that I’d enjoy a reduced burden of repayment for the remaining period. I realized my mistake right after the transaction which was seamlessly accepted, unlike the peculiar previous instance of the hundred bucks refused again and again and again.

Absolutely nothing happened to the EMIs, although the outstanding amount got reduced considerably with the tenure remaining the same! The same amount continued to be deducted from my linked account as before. And as I feared the obvious scenario emerged eventually.

The day came when the EMI amount became bigger than the outstanding amount! Therefore, the monthly deductions stopped! This time the text message said that the remaining amount needed to be paid immediately for which a branch visit was mandatory.

This time I got plain angry! Why force a senior citizen to visit the branch after all the bank’s efforts to minimize it and the sit-at-home comfort offered through their YONO App, and that everything about the said loan account was done online? There was another matter that also contributed to my indignation. A modified fixed deposit account I opened long back got reduced to less than ten thousand and therefore I put my maturity instructions clearly online to close that account; but despite that the branch decided to extend the account for two more years.

My anger made me call up one higher SBI officer I knew for a long time and let him know of the issues. The higher officer must’ve issued some instructions to the branch manager; but instead of helping me out the manager put a freeze on that modified deposit account which made me realize the obvious! So, when I finally had to visit the branch to accomplish the pending hassles I noticed a palpable stiffness in the manager’s attitude while attending to me.

I think a revamp of the SBI’s digital banking system to rid it of the archaic rules would help the accountholders immensely. Thanks to the rigidities I incurred personal losses on at least two counts: first, the erosion in my credit score; and second, the apparent loss in my long good standing with the bank branch which would result obviously in debarring me from the bank’s periodic beneficial offers relevant for me. For absolutely no fault of mine!

Getting Fretting Seething Fed Up!

It has become, particularly after the pandemic-driven desperation, extremely unsavory, unhealthy and irritating to avail of or buy any service or product from any service provider or business unit, ranging from an innocuous cup of tea to medical services, because once you do so which you cannot possibly avoid the marketing hawks of the concerned agencies will keep on bombarding you with text messages, WA posts, emails and also voice interactive or even live voice calls with no deadline for a most desired end, perhaps it's set to continue till the end of you or of the world! They holler and hammer you to rate them, recommend them, fill up feedback forms, take surveys and what not, and of course to continue buying from them. This is aside from the hawks of the bank/insurance/financial agencies who stop at nothing to lure you in, offering cards and personal loans even to hapless senior citizens, and the infuriatingly incessant reminders to pay up regular dues from about a month before the due dates, even though you've been extremely sincere in paying up on time everytime! Add to it the storm of the fraudsters who egg you on endlessly to click their dangerously spurious links. 

Particularly irksome are the brazen advertizing from the health service providers and medicine providers. Their messages on your personal accounts do not at all seek to hide their open invitation to you to fall sick asap, preferably seriously enough, and that it's evident that it's them only who would be deliriously happy if you oblige them! Well, on my part I immediately block their accounts or numbers, but the clever foxes change their accounts or numbers instantly and never even indulge themselves in commercial breaks! 

I've written about such issues quite a few times earlier too. What else to do? This perhaps gives me some vicariously avenging delight. If this is going to be the order of the digital age I'd have nothing of that! But how? I see no option of any kind. 

Can you think of any? 

The System!

The calls never stop. They’re ruthlessly regular as always even if you’re going through a huge personal crisis or that you’ve been rendered ineligible for most of the offers in circulation due to various reasons. And I don’t blame the ‘casuals’ desperately trying to augment their measly income with the commissions cum incentives that they hope to earn by getting the customer’s consent for a personal loan or a deposit/investment scheme or a pre-approved credit card. In fact, I always have sympathy and understanding for them; that I get angry most of the times is a part and parcel of the hazardous virtual games being played in abundance nowadays. This time, for a change, it was a male voice that addressed me in all possible politeness. But he sounded weary and lazy, perhaps frustrated by the endless calls from his end since morning without any tangible progress.

“Sir, I’m calling from the xyz finance company. If you can spare a moment, please!”

For a change, again, I decided not to be angry this time, enjoying the fact that as the caller was a male, I could very well blurt out my anger the moment it’s required. So, I answered politely too.

“Okay, yeah?”

“Sir, our company is offering you a pre-approved super credit card without any charges or fees of any kind! If you allow me…”

“Do you know my age?”

“Um…uh…I don’t know sir!”

“How did you pick me out then for your most special offer?”

“Well sir! You name has been running in the system…so…”

“The system? Yeah, that’s the crux of the problem. Anyway, have you meanwhile changed your marketing strategy by deciding to start issuing the credit cards to senior citizens too?”

“Um…no! I’m very sorry sir!” and he hung up, for a change, once again. Normally I do that reprehensible job in what I always think righteous anger, at times right in the middle of the conversation.

(My e-book Free on Kindle for five days. Get your copy here!)

 

The System! Yes! The ever-growing mechanism of modern marketing that never spares any nook and corner in any possible territory of the targets from its ravenous attention. As I mentioned several times earlier the System has been drawing its sustenance from the ‘generous’ service providers who possess our database and make those available to all the marketing hawks. But why don’t they provide the crucial factors too, like say age? Well, perhaps, they’ve grown a little apprehensive thanks to the increasing public cries for privacy and data protection. Or maybe they don’t care, taking into consideration the possibility of catching even the old and near-dead fishes in the expansive nets of their ‘other’ customers.

 

However, it’d indeed be a good practice for the generous database holders to at times clean and weed out the old fish, thus eliminating the senior citizens, mercifully. This would also help the hapless endlessly ‘calling-casuals’ focus on the real targets and not waste their companies’ precious time trying to catch the ageing, useless and the ineligible preys. In such heartlessly competitive times, the predators must prepare themselves fighting-fit too as their prospective preys have also been becoming alert, conscious and smart in the meantime. Not to speak of the destructively creative and marauding online fraudsters who too have been drawing largely on the benefits of the doubts emerging from the generous goings-on!

Logorrhea Or Quietude of the Hams As It Suits Them?

We’d been growing up with the dictum that ‘everything is fair in love and war’; however, in view of our increasingly awesome experience with the phenomenon of digital marketing we urgently need to revise the dictum to ‘everything is fair in love, war and marketing’, for our own solace. I’m not at all exaggerating this. In spite of being very particular about paying all your dues on time all your life and enjoying a healthy credit score as a result your service providers shall not cease to hound you all the time for payment. They’d start at least a week before the approaching payment-due date and their irksome and utterly useless verbosity will flood all your resources of a digital existence. This ‘logorrhea’ of the post-modern times has become a disease like the good old ‘diarrhea’! The disorder cannot be corrected even if you resort to a digital bank transfer system with specific instructions for the payment on the due date. At most of the times the all-encompassing reminders would keep on coming even after making a successful payment. Besides, there’d be the age-defined telemarketing calls even if you’ve been consistently telling (you cannot afford to be too curt or insulting as the callers are mostly ladies) them all the time that ‘I don’t want a personal loan’ or ‘I don’t want a credit card’ or ‘I don’t want an insurance job or a policy’! You finally feel that it’s absolutely sinful to be a good customer enjoying a good credit score. But alas! You just cannot become a defaulter even if you want it desperately enough to have a peaceful and noise-free daily existence.

Then there’s a peculiar phase of an unnatural quietude that seems to blight all of the service providers after they get their payments and this phase never fails to make you restive and edgy. You’d very naturally check the concerned app or account for the confirmation of your payment, of course, after the mandatory wait period. Unfortunately, you’ll not find it for days, and there’ll still be the reminders ‘Pay’ or ‘Recharge’ flashing on your screens which will, naturally again, make you disturbed, and after a series of rigorous navigational efforts from your side may finally take you to the service provider’s rather unwilling admission ‘Oh! It seems you’ve made a payment!’, if you’re lucky. The consequences of ‘making a payment’ in a way which outside of the service provider’s app or recommendations could be even more dangerous and the prolonged quietude that follows would surely make you extremely disturbed.

 

Recently, I made an arrangement with my bank to pay the bills to a particular credit card before the due date which meant I deviated from the method of repayment normally made from the credit card online account itself. The payment was successful as my bank indicated with the debit amount shown correctly. However, the credit card issuer bank never acknowledged it in any manner and kept mum as the due date was approaching ominously. I logged in to the credit card online account to check, and there was no confirmation there either; instead, the reminder ‘payment due’ standing there still. Another fearful thought caught hold of me: if somehow, the payment did not reach the card they’d inevitably charge a hefty late payment amount in my next bill! Therefore, I decided to pay the same amount a second time and paid it from the card account. That payment was immediately acknowledged. I checked the account two days after the due date. And lo! I found the earlier payment recorded in the ‘transactions’ column with the same date that my bank transferred the amount on. Such was the silence of the ham! But how’d they gain with such obnoxious quietude? Why! For that card I’d enjoyed a nice ‘no payment required’ period which I deliberately prolonged; in this case, for them! With my quietude!

A Tale of Two Credit Cards!

Such in-a-soup stories need to be told, because they mostly are about all those faceless people who normally have no voice. It doesn’t matter if the stories were my personal ones or somebody else’s. As you must be aware a writer or a storyteller has the choice of being the narrator in the first person or in the third person, and in post-modern storytelling even in the second person. Well, right? As you also must’ve been aware all the time that several essential services like banking were spared during the pandemic lockdowns, and as far as services at the bank branches are concerned the pandemic hit them real hard with thousands of their staff members getting the infection leading to manpower shortages which was really unfortunate. However, the pandemic had a definitive role in making online transactions a way of life, forcing even the traditionally manual-obsessed customers go for online activities. Therefore, when I discovered a bank failing even in that minimum of online presence I had to feel disgusted. This brings me to the first credit card.

 

I’d been having a credit card for years issued by that particular bank where I didn’t have an account. During the first national lockdown the bank literally went into a stupor: not informing about or updating the transactions; not generating online monthly statements and mailing those promptly; contacting them through the helpline was also a wasted exercise as no one really attended the calls. All these created a total blackout for me as regards my card. To make matters worse the bank, one of the worst and confirmed misers in the industry, kept on sending useless text promos like offering offensive cashbacks of 50 or maximum 100 bucks for a transaction of over 20k bucks and like offering to increase their consistently miserable credit limit by only a few thousand bucks.

 

One day I was caught up in such a severe fit of rage, also accentuated perhaps by the monotonous stay-home syndrome that I cut up the credit card in as many as possible pieces and threw those into the dustbin. After the act I mailed them a request to close my card account which compulsorily involved another clumsily manual process: that they don’t take closure requests online or on phone and I have to log in to their net banking site, type my request in their form, have to take a printout and send it by post to them as if I were a free bird during the lockdown. My previous experiences in their net banking were horrible: they never save my credentials and passwords; and so, every time I try to log in I have to rediscover myself and create new and newer user IDs and passwords. I gave it up.

 

To my horror a solitary statement appeared informing me that I had unpaid balances. Furious, I emailed them again, asking them why they didn’t close my account and how on earth was I to make the payment as I no longer had the full 16-digit card number with me. Like all other banks they wanted their money back at any cost, and therefore, one executive found time to send me an email asking me to make the payment using a temporary 16-digit number generated for the same purpose. I made the payment, reiterating my request to close my account as I couldn’t possibly use it without having either the card or its number.

 

For the next one year I forgot about the card, but at times feared that the bank might again charge me the annual fee. And then the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) new guidelines on credit cards that are to be effective from the 1^st of July this year came just in time, and one of which guidelines say that a bank has to close a credit card account that is not used for more than a year. Accordingly, a jubilant ‘me’ receives a text message from the bank giving me a notice period of one month to try renewing my card or the card would cease to exist after that! I give three cheers to the RBI! Credit card users must also know now that as per another guideline a bank can no longer insist on a manual application for a closure request and has to complete the closure after a telephonic or online request within seven days to avoid paying a daily penalty to the customer.

 

The second credit card is of an existential kind! A bank where I had to open a savings account for some reasons offered me a credit card, full of discounted offers and lifetime free. However, the offer from a polite lady executive of the bank came on telephone when I was stranded out of town for the first lockdown. Therefore, I also politely informed her that since I was in another town I wouldn’t possibly be able to receive the card at my registered address. To that, even more politely, the lady asked me for the new address and noted it down with painstaking care, doubly assuring me that the card would arrive at my new address.

 

A fortnight later, though, I got a message from the courier that they missed me at that registered address. The card was never delivered even after I came back to my registered address. However, the offers continued to flourish in my phone, mails and the bank’s net banking site. The bank was caught in their own web of half-truths when one of their executives phoned me offering me a personal loan on the credit card that never existed, and I grabbed the opportunity with my both hands and asked him a simple question, ‘Where is my card, my dear provider?’. He took it in with a remarkable restraint and assured me all the needful would be done.

 

Accordingly, a representative arrived at my home and the application process was done one more time. I got all the communication as regards the ETA, so to say! That card too never arrived, even after a full year. However, the card still exists in my net banking account and in terms of a plethora of insistently luring offers. So then, this is the story about the second credit card that I cannot use even virtually.

The Festive Call!

I was disturbed by various ‘business’ calls during work on that day. Since the Indian festive season was in full bloom such calls were not that unnatural. Getting exasperated with a plethora of telemarketing calls from banks, insurance companies and the like I ignored one from an absolutely unknown mobile number. When the same number called again, I answered thinking it could be an important call from someone not at all connected to the lot. I cursed myself as the lady voice spoke up on the other side...

‘Hello Sir, I’m calling from xyz finance company...”

“Yes?” I responded.

“Sir, our xyz finance company is giving you an overdraft facility...”

“Why?”

“Sir, half of your monthly salary will be given as overdraft to you...”

“Why?”

“Sir, the amount will be totally interest free...”

“Why?”

“So Sir, where do you work and what is your monthly salary?”

And then I hung up. The audacious lady tried several times later on. However, I decided to follow the age-old dictum ‘once bitten, twice shy’ tooth and nail!

Credit Card Frauds: A Real Close Shave!

Only the other day we were discussing with a few bankers about the fact that online frauds or crimes are still very low in India compared to advanced countries. We justified this with another fact that millions of Indians are still ignorant or have no online presence. And just the next day I had a close shave from a potentially serious credit card fraud. We have heard a lot about card protection in terms of safeguarding against phishing or seemingly genuine emails asking for personal information, dubious text messages, stolen or lost cards, taking care while shopping or at the ATM machine, skimming and so on. But to find out what exactly defines my experience I had to surf the net for a while finally resting on a term ‘Tele Phishing’. 

During a very busy day in office I received a call from a lady who identified herself as a bank executive of the private bank with which I had multiple and most frequently used credit card accounts. As I had been used to getting such calls from very similar sounding lady executives I took the call casually while going on with my work. The lady informed me that as per the RBI guidelines the bank had decided to issue a new card replacing my multiple accounts and the new card had a host of benefits with no payment liabilities. 

I had three weak points at that point of time: 1. I was attending the call in a casual way not disturbing my office work; 2. I did not suspect her identity as a bank executive while noticing that she had called me from a mobile number, and 3. I in fact wanted a single account since I was using only one particular credit card all the while and did not need the other cards. And the smart lady capitalized. 

I started giving all information as she wanted including date of birth, card number and the three-digit CVV (Card Verification Value) number on the back of the card. The executive informed me that there will be such amount of reward points and a onetime payment that would be reflected in the statement but would be adjusted against the reward points. One part of the reward points would be paid by the bank in cash. I was also told that a business firm would call me for my confirmation so that the gifts could be couriered to my home address. Indeed, the supposed business firm called immediately and gave the list of my gifts like T-shirt, credit card pouch, wrist watch and so on. Then the lady called me again that the bank has sent me a text message containing a six-digit number the last three digits of which would be the CVV of my new card. I saw the private bank name in the sender ID of the text message and so assured read out the number to her. 

Maybe the lady executive and her accomplice had one weakness at this point—they were becoming too greedy. 

She called again asking for my second credit card details. I was piqued at that time and asked her how many cards were going be issued since she earlier told me that one single account would replace all others. She quickly told me that two cards were being issued. I was not convinced, but at that time the office peon came in with a bunch of papers for signature and so I went on with her while doing my work. The same process was repeated including the bank text message containing the second six-digit number. 

Suddenly I developed cold feet realizing that I had given all crucial information of my cards. Immediately I checked the text messages sent by my bank and to my horror I found that those contained OTP (One Time Password) numbers which are generated during online transactions. 

Fearing that transaction alerts amounting to God-knows-what figures might come any time I panicked and with trembling hand dialed the bank customer helpline. Luckily I got to speak to a customer service executive immediately. I asked him if the bank was going to issue new cards rushing through my experience. The executive was not sure and so I immediately requested him to block all my cards and not entertain any transaction that could come any moment. 

I got one more text message from the bank containing another OTP. The smart lady called up next requesting me to tell her the number informing me that the earlier number was invalid. I wanted to make sure one final time. I asked her ‘Where are you calling from?’

‘From …. bank’.  She replied, a little surprised.

‘Prove that you belong to the …..  bank.’ She fell silent.

‘Prove or I’m giving your number to the police right now.’ The line was cut instantly. 

I think credit card protection is hardly enough even now. The banks should adopt preventive measures, issue regular notifications and should announce that their executives will call customers always from authorized office landlines and not mobiles. In my experience real executives did call from mobiles at times. 

I had a close shave. You should learn from this and prevent such frauds. Be ready anytime to thwart tele phishing or any other attempts to fool you. The numbers that were used in this fraud are, 08459490706 for the bank executive and 08130486175 for the trader. Seem to be purely Indian and this means fraudsters are trying to make it big in India now. Beware!

Humor: The Virtual Travel Package!

Emboldened by his earlier encouraging experiencewith the banking hawks Mr. Thames Pond decides to carry on from there. He takes a pledge to encounter any call from any credit card or banking executive with guts and intelligence. He must ensure that he refuse all unnecessary offers or entrapments. He’d no longer be vulnerable. And then, as usual, he gets a call right away…

  

“Hello…am I speaking to Thames Pond please?”

“Who’s this please?”

“This is Moneycanny Sir, from UC bank!...Mr. Pond?”

“Right, this is Pond. Thames Pond!”

“So nice to talk to you again! Good morning Sir!”

“Good morning..Ms. err…!”

“Mr. Pond…can I take just two minutes of your most precious time?”

“Regarding what?”

“Sir, you are one of our most privileged customers. We’ve reviewed your payment record over the years and found your credit history absolutely sound. Therefore, we’d like to offer you a rare privilege in terms of travel benefits. We are sending you a package of travel vouchers allowing you to have free five-star hotel comforts in various tourist locations you’d like to visit. We need your consent Sir so that we can forward that package to you readily.”

“You are giving me all these free, milady?”

“Absolutely Sir! This is our thanksgiving to one of our most privileged customers.”

“No payment? No hidden costs? Are you sure?”

“Yes Sir! All you have to do is to receive it!”

“Okay…in that case I can consider…Ms…err…!”

“Thanks Sir! Your package is worth more than ------ bucks. So there will be a service tax and other charges. You will pay an amount of ---- bucks for receiving the package. We’ll bill this amount in your next card statement…”

“Hey…wait a minute! What are you saying…I’ll have to pay to receive your benefits?”

“Right Sir! You are not making a payment, you are only paying taxes. Your package is worth a lot of money and so service charges apply naturally…”

“Wait a minute…you see…”

“Ours is one of the largest banks of the country with a huge network…”

“Hey..Ms…err…I’m not referring to your bank…I mean you see…that is you..and see here! You see…err…you…see…I will have to take leave from my office…book tickets…plan it perfectly to be able to avail of your travel package, right? And considering your five-star privilege I must travel by air…I cannot just crawl and slog to land up there, no? Now, the problem is it may not materialize in that specified period of yours…due to so many reasons…”

“But Sir, we expect you definitely won’t let go of such money-saving opportunity!”

“…Okay…you expect…I want too. But it is not in my hands. Now, if I fail to avail of your ‘free’ package why on earth should I pay you in advance? You send it…I’ll see, and then if I do travel and enjoy your five-star luxuries please bill the service charge…this makes perfect sense.”

“Sorry Sir! We offer you a value package and therefore we have to charge the service tax. Please confirm your agreement so that we can send it across immediately.”

“I’m sorry too…milady! I cannot give my consent…” (Cuts the line.) 

Mr. Pond watches his phone ring again. He rejects the call, deliriously happy. The process repeats itself one more time. Then silence as Mr. Pond indulges himself a broad grin.