Newsroom Humor: The Visual Nut!

The news editor was in a very disturbed state of mind that evening. He was new to the newsroom of the television channel, its surroundings, and that made it all the more irritating. It was in the most biting phase of the winter and his newsroom pals seemed to be more interested in sitting cosily closer to their burning warm electric heaters chattily chewing betel nuts than anything else. There was the onset of a threatening lethargy that the hapless news editor tried to resist with all his might. He had to ensure that the most important story of that day got included in the bulletins.

The story was written and ready, but somehow the visuals were eluding everyone. Again and again, the tape was inserted in the video editing machines and checked. No visuals emerged on the monitors. What happened? Furious, the news editor wanted to know. The camera unit was there for the coverage and stayed there full length of the event. Then?

The editor called the concerned executive for explanations. The fellow came in with a benign smile busy chewing a mouthful of betel nut and paan. As the editor started questioning the smile transformed into a grin and his chewing hardly stopped.

“Why there are no visuals?”

“Well, Sir, you see…we tried and tried. But no visuals…!”

“But how could it happen? The cameraman was there all the time with his camera.”

“Sir you see…he is the only cameraman here…lots of pressure…for everything he is the only…”

“But he was there with the camera. The visuals had to be there.”

“…He is also lonely here…no family…no good food…many many problems…!”

“But what happened to the visuals?”

“Sir, I asked the poor guy…he forgot to press the record button sir…he is so hard pressed…!”

“O’ my God! He did not need to press it so hard I suppose! How much strength does the poor starving guy require for that exercise?”

The executive broke into a broad grin and started chewing vigorously. The editor looked into the barren ceiling above fearing a rain of betel nuts falling on him and submerging him…

Not Much Ado About Taking A Break!

Earlier, commercial breaks were not as intrusive as we could anticipate the time and quantity of their coming perfectly thanks to the limited opportunities available. Doordarshan was the only television channel, entertainment-public service-news all combined, for us to confront them.  We knew that maximum ad time would be for the Sunday evening Hindi feature film and we used to utilize those commercial breaks to entertain ‘silent’ guests, discuss the movie on air and make tea. The virtual breaks that were intrusive even then were the songs of Hindi or Bollywood movies that caught us unawares as always forcing us to take a break and go out of the theater into the lobby.  However, with the advent of cable television and the flood of private entertainment and news channels intruding-annoying-agonizing breaks have become a part and parcel of our existence—you like it or not.

There emerged a rich variety of how the commercial breaks began to be presented to us. Maybe at the innermost part of their hearts the channel executives also understood the fact that commercial breaks were not so welcome things for viewers, and therefore, the underlying similarity amid the variety was the restrain that the break was ‘short’ or ‘very short’. They also understood that they were getting more advertising breaks because the main show was very popular, and so they always said ‘Now we are going to take a short commercial break. Please keep watching (or please do not go anywhere).’ If the host of the show was some legend like Amitabh Bachchan he could very well command ‘We are taking only a very short commercial break, don’t dare going anywhere else!’ Like the high-voltage drama the private entertainment or news channels are used to on a daily basis they tried to convince the viewers that those ‘short’ breaks were absolutely necessary and they had no option but to take those even at the cost of disturbing the main show.

Some other sober channels made it plain and simple or even boring. ‘Now there is a short break, we will be back after a short while.’ ‘Now we will take a short commercial break. Stay tuned.’ ‘Rest of the news (or program) after a short commercial break.’ Or a little brighter, ‘Prime time show will be back after a short commercial break. Lots more to come on the other side. Stay tuned.’ Of course, breaks in the movies or TV serials are not announced and they keep on coming of their own sweet will and timing.

As per the new guidelines on maximum television commercial time per hour the channels have to put the countdown timer on screen for the last two minutes of commercial breaks. This has made the waiting time of viewers a little more predictable as they can now do other things and get ready for the programme the moment the clock shows on the screen. This has also led to some interesting results—particularly in the movie channels. They have started mixing up the breaks taking deliriously-announced two-minute breaks sometimes and the ‘unlimited’ breaks at other time. Some channels also advertise ‘no break’ or ‘single break’ movies too from time to time. However, the viewers often have to pay the price of ‘less or no breaks’ with sudden and unannounced ‘unlimited’ breaks going up to even 10/15 minutes.

Things become easier if you think that you can also take breaks in true and full spirit as with those imposed on you or even otherwise. You must have enjoyed taking a break from one of the most one-sided World Cups where your excitement grew, and grew to fever pitch to finally end with a bitter feeling of let-down and crushing disappointment, if you had been India or South Africa or New Zealand fans. Now with the cricket extravaganza named IPL-8 in full swing you have the additional benefits of enjoying even ‘strategic’ breaks. You also must relished a break from Arvind Kejriwal who after getting an unprecedented mandate from Delhi voters for his Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) and becoming Chief Minister a second time despite the tag of a ‘runaway CM’ got autocratically inspired and started breaking up his own party.

After all, every living soul is entitled for taking a break. This is a very socialistic and egalitarian phenomenon. No differentiation or discrimination made on the class or creed of the break-taker on exercising his/her most democratic right. As you have witnessed only recently how a so crucially important public figure and a people’s representative went missing on a break taken all of a sudden. Yes, we are talking of the Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi who decided to exercise his democratic right, went on a break and reappeared after nearly two months and a huntingly committed media failed even to hint at his possible whereabouts. So, there is nothing wrong if this writer too goes on a break now and then. It is also absolutely not necessary to mention any reason or the lack of it for the break. In this abounding world of breaks and starts whenever and wherever you feel like…do….Take A Break!

Television: Why Doordarshan Is Always On Peoples Radar!

When private channels break a news that has no factual basis and withdraws it after sometime or make some obvious mistakes people just laugh it off or make a mention about it to friends. The matter ends there. When Doordarshan, run by India’s Public Service Broadcaster Prasar Bharati and the electronic media of the Government of India, does so the matter begins there. If Doordarshan (DD) makes a mistake or shows something or does not show something, big or small, there is a nationwide outrage with people from all age groups decrying mocking and what not. The universal dictum of ‘to err is human’ gets entirely forgotten in such outburst of genuine feelings or derisive pleasure against the national broadcaster. It is also a curious fact that newspapers always highlight high ad revenue generating glitzy and glamorous shows of private channels, but criticize DD without end if the latter missed to show an event or a news of the people. Why?

People from all possible communities of all possible cultural or social or religious or linguistic lines expect DD to represent them and showcase events or news related to them most positively and without fail. This expectation is irrespective of what DD could be trying to do at that particular time—maybe it is planning an excellent coverage of a very big national or regional event or trying to launch a serial of huge national or regional dimensions. Nope! Their news must go. Else face a national outrage again. Why?

People get easily impressed by the all techno innovations and gimmicky shows done by the private channels and go gaga over it helping the channels to earn huge ad revenues. And they expect the same from DD failing to understand the responsibilities of a Public Service Broadcaster and the consequent constraints of resources or generating revenues. Not getting it, people indulge in deriding decrying demeaning DD. Why?

Because, Doordarshan that celebrated its 50^th Anniversary on 15^th September, 2009 still runs in the bloodstream of every Indian—old, middle aged, young or child. Irrespective of what they tend to utter about it. They just cannot ignore this huge reserve of quintessential Indianness—the cultural or social or religious or linguistic bond of unity that is India. It is because of this bond that they expect the world from DD at any eventuality, at any cost. If DD does very well about something they take it granted and do not bother about appreciating, but if DD happens to make an error they cannot take it or tolerate it. On DD News they take every news as word of God once it is shown and at the same time castigates it for being slow failing to understand the pains it takes to confirm every possible news first. Similarly, if one particular community does not find a news that it considers to be of paramount importance they go berserk.

Basically, it all plus for the Public Service Broadcaster and it is something only to be proud of. The pains or efforts that go into the process of setting things right are just part and parcel of being Doordarshan. In short Doordarshan is of the people, for the people and by the people.

Doordarshan Zindabad!

Movie Chennai Express: Vintage Shahrukh In The Biggest Bollywood Grosser!

It is not for nothing that Chennai Express has broken all records in Bollywood history and Rohit Shetty has become the most successful director ever of Indian Cinema. Shahrukh Khan’s Chennai Express has crossed Rs.202 crore (2020 million rupees) mark beating the four-year-old record set by Aamir Khan’s 3 Idiots. Rohit Shetty has already given three Rs.100 crore club movies namely, Singham, Golmaal3 and Bol Bachchan, and this unique feat has never been achieved by any other Indian film director.  Chennai Express in its third week run has achieved this with loving audiences all over and overcoming quite a few bad reviews. The reasons are not far to seek.

You are pleasantly reminded of the Shahrukh Khan of yesteryear when he was superlative in comedy scenes for his immaculate timing, for his sprightful elegance and for his typical gesticulations plus monosyllables. All these qualities of the Bollywood superstar have come back in Chennai Express to regale you yet again and you are indeed grateful to Rohit Shetty, the director of this blockbuster, for presenting King Khan in all his royal comic flavors. You can call Chennai Express a super comedy flick with an underlying serious plot or you can call it a masala humdinger with an uplifting super comedy track. However, with Rohit Shetty around you are much better off with the first option and enjoying the movie unconditionally and without complaints concerning your sense of logic or the logical senselessness about the whole thing.

Maybe Rohit Shetty himself would have been better off keeping a matching lighter plot throughout thus putting some sense into it. From the very beginning of this almost a bilingual Bollywood movie the dead seriousness of the story never leaves you with bulky and sinister characters around adding more scares to it. The main lead Rahul (Shahrukh Khan), a Hindi speaking mithaiwala from Mumbai, hatched a conspiracy to freak out with his friends in Goa over the assignment of immersing the ashes of his grandfather in Rameshwaram in Tamil Nadu, but then had to take the designated Chennai Express train from Mumbai and thus getting entangled with Tamil speaking Meenamma, the female lead played by Deepika Padukone. If Rahul was in a double-jeopardy Meenamma was in a far more precarious situation being captured by her Don dad’s goons to get her married by force at hinterland Tamil Nadu. But then, if the plot was not serious enough the ridiculous scenes of language tangles could not have given you the laughs for which you would probably go to the theater again. Contrary to various opinions expressed I would like to state that the bilingual structure of the movie is its most enlivening feature and it is unique in Bollywood more used to dubbing or remaking rather than charting out bold originals.

Therefore, the so-called ‘senselessness’ part of the movie is a foregone allegation. You are treated with giggles, laughs and howls all the way and this is what makes sense—courtesy Rohit Shetty who never forgets his flying cars or chases or the powerful 'lion' punches in any of his films. In this movie too the climax was as formulaic as it was predictable. 

As we have maintained Shahrukh has given a vintage performance and after a couple of rather listless years he has delivered masterstroke tying up with Rohit Shetty to produce this ‘senseless’ wonder. His marketing strategy of taking the Chennai Express  into almost every popular television serials for over a month has worked wonderfully by roping in his admirers thronging households across the country. However, his new-found love for ‘never underestimate the power of the common man’ line has asserted itself a little too often. Deepika Padukone, not so famous for her acting prowess, has given a sterling performance too taking a lot of pains to inculcate the Tamil accent. The chemistry rather the linguistic chemistry between the two is just deliriously funny.

Lose your senses... and enjoy!

Accidents Horror: Tragic End To Comedy King Jaspal Bhatti!

He was probably the most famous Sikh comedian ever in Indian Television and movies. He gave us a taste of a comedy show in the early years of National Network telecasts in Doordarshan. That time Doordarshan was the only television media and we were used to watching foreign comedy shows. But this brilliant comedian-writer-director enthralled us with indigenous doses of humor, wit, satire and fun in his comedy shows for the first time in Indian television. Jaspal Bhatti, the innocuous looking Sardar with a disarming smile whose one dialogue is enough to make you laugh out.  And his insightful storytelling was capable of making you cry too. 

Jaspal Bhatti made his appearance in Doordarshan in the eighties with his TV Series Ulta Pulta and Flop Show. The shows were instant hits and he became a household name in India. His actor-wife Savita Bhatti appeared with him all the way and they were inseparable and one of the most loved couples. Later in the nineties when other channels started storming the Indian viewers Jaspal Bhatti produced various programs for them too. He also acted in Bollywood movies and produced-directed feature films in his mother-tongue Punjabi. But his Ulta Pulta and Flop Show are still remembered and loved even by the modern generation.

This witty satirist died tragically in a road accident in Punjab in the wee hours of today. He completed the promotion for his Punjabi movie Power Cut to be released on 27^th October, 2012 and was rushing back for the last minute preparations. His actor-son was driving and the heroine of the movie was also in the car. In a horrific accident the speeding car hit a roadside tree around 3 am. Jaspal Bhatti was rushed to the hospital, but was declared brought dead. The other two were injured and are presently recuperating. A worthy Indian died unnecessarily.We pray for the eternal bliss of his jolly good soul.

Few newspapers reported today about another horrifying accident in a Mumbai suburb which showed depravity of the worst kind. For the 10^th night last night a few youngsters around 19-20 years of age danced and reveled in the ongoing Navaratrifestival. But that was not considered enough. Unfortunately in India every festival including those of religious nature too, every party or picnic and every outing ultimately means extreme boozing, because without that no celebration is considered complete. So the youngsters drank and drank to their hearts’ content. Even then they did not consider it enough enjoyment. They wanted a mad drive too. Around 2 o’clock in the morning six of them took a car and started driving up and down the highway in extreme speed. All of them died when their car crashed against a trawler. 

The common factor between the two accidents was the traveling time—deadly wee hours when everyone including drivers tends to doze off. Yes, people have no time nowadays, but what would be wrong if you get at least three hours’ sleep and start your travel around 5 am when there is daylight in most parts. You will lose 3 hours, but will surely arrive safe and sound. And if you have to travel during the night why don’t you take the precautions like allowing the driver to refresh with tea once in every hour, drive at steady speed and not sleeping around him.

Indian road conditions and car makes are definitely not under your control, but speed, time of travel and drinking definitely are. Drunk driving was the uncommon factor between the two accidents mentioned here, but it is the most common cause of accidents nowadays. If enjoyment is not complete without drinking then do drink, but go to sleep afterwards as the most natural way of ending celebrations.

Or is it possible that dying too has become fashionable and enjoyable? For road safety peoples’ mindset must change first, road or car conditions later.

Grand Villains!

One colorful Indian entertainment channel has been endangering the lives of gullible viewers. Cozily sheltered in the garb of a social reformer the channel always gives a message that it's against all kinds of evil. Problem is it welcomes an evil in fond gratitude and treats it in immaculate elaboration, lingering monstrosity, all pervasive manifestations and never ending audacity. Such obsession with evil! It dwells on it for months and neutralizes all solutions though carrying on merrily with its sermonizing. It has also been doing god-damnable research in finding out evils from all corners of India in rich original colors.

The crucial part is all evildoers or villains shown in gory glory are invariably grandpas or grannies. They are shown to be selfless devotees of gods and goddesses and they are shown to be scheming while praying to cheat, kidnap, madden, sadden and even murder their dear ones. Such is the evil potency that the very credibility of granddads and grandmas is at stake.

Rise O' grand people! Get united to thwart all such devilish efforts to color your lives. Get back your affection and adoration. Act fast!

The colors of evil threaten to be the cultural Taliban! Hark!

Celebrating 50 Years of Doordarshan!

Door-darshan means tele-vision literally. Doordarshan is the national public broadcaster of India, nominated by the Government of India as Prasar Bharati.

On this day of 15th September in the year 1959 Doordarshan started its telecasts with a makeshift studio and a small transmitter. Its regular daily telecasts started in 1965 and by 1972 some of Indian major cities were covered.

In 1982 Doordarshan began its national network and it penetrated every home in nook and corner of India. That same year color television was also introduced.

Doordarshan--the first to introduce soap opera, the first to start film based programs, the first take games like football and cricket to every home of India, the first to continue committed entertainment. The only television channel to give truth and only truth to the people.

We are celebrating 50 years today. With the colors and vibrancy of the country. A very colorful musical program was organized and recorded today in Mumbai which will be telecast soon.

Doordarshan