Mumbai Test: Masters Beaten In Their Own Game As England Crush India!

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As agonizingly feared all over the nation England spin washed the masters India in the latter’s own courtyard Wankhede in Mumbai today winning the second cricket Test by 10 wickets with more than one and half days to spare. If yesterday Kevin Pietersen built on the lead in a one-day style the England openers today notched up the ridiculous target of 57 runs in T20 style. KP was rightfully selected the Player of the Match. 

England’s two spinners Panesar and Swann shared 19 wickets between them while India’s three spinners managed to get only 9 wickets in a losing proposal. In India’s  agonizing second innings effort Gambhir top scored with 65 followed by a second highest of 11 by Ashwin.

Indian skipper MS Dhoni’s demand for sharp turning pitches has boomeranged on him in the most telling manner making the remaining two Test matches acutely interesting in what the beleaguered captain might prescribe for next. He might very well have severe reprimands reserved for the Wankhede curator like ‘What kind of pitch have you provided despite my most sincerely patriotic demands? It has helped only the England spinners and made ours laughing stock! I’ll go to the top against you, just keep it in mind’! Would he now remain content with the traditional turners or demand much more for the next two crucial matches?

With the 4-match India-England Test Series up for grabs now the third Test starts at the majestic Eden Gardens of Kolkata from December 5, 2012. England would press for the kill with the new-found confidence in spin while India would introspect hard trying to regroup their ‘class’ batsmen and bowlers around. Significantly the last Test is scheduled in Nagpur where the track is known for its green edges and bounce and had earlier tormented several Indian captains. Therefore, at 1-1 level the series is looking most intriguingly exciting at the moment. The Scorecard:

Why not share a joke about cricket to cheer up all the depressed Indian fans. Our respected and the irrepressible Yazdi Enginner Saheb has forwarded it today with perfect timing!  Here it goes:  

A little known CRICKET fact....The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874…and the first helmet was used in 1974…It took 100 years for men to realize that their brains are also important!

Political Disorder Of The Psychological Kind!

Wife: You think you are the most righteous person of the world! Always wise, considerate and honest!... I think you are just dumb!

Husband: What do you mean ‘dumb’?

Wife: ‘Dumb’ means dumb. You can never spell it out loudly and clearly in times of need. People go on doing the wrong things on you and you think God will set it right.

Husband: I beg your pardon! You never heard me talking bold or shouting?

Wife: Oh…right! You can indeed shout like hell…but only at me! To the outside world you are just dumb.

Husband: You mean to say I got my degrees, got my job and have been doing my office assignments efficiently enough…by just being dumb!

Wife: That is why you’ve progressed only this far. If you were not dumb maybe you could have been the CEO! You know what Mr. X told about you…?

Husband: Oh…shut it up! Any outside fellow saying something about me is bible for you!

Husband happened to have a high-decibel brawl just down in the campus with a few residents and the watchman on some vexing housing society issues a few days later. He enters home afterwards exuding pride and victory.

Wife: Are you crazy? Why were you howling like a madman? You just didn’t listen to anyone! …

Husband: Goddamn it! Confound it! Bullshit it! What's wrong with you? You will pick only on me when I don’t do it and you will pick on me more even when I do it!

The Government and the opposition behave similarly, if we may say so! The opposition would go on castigating the Government for not initiating the essential reforms in light of the global economic crisis for example. And, when the Government proposes hard measures or an economic reform the opposition starts castigating again citing harm to local, regional and national interests. The disorder concerning ‘doing’ and ‘not doing’ goes on…!

If an esteemed foreign source maybe the Time magazine passes a political judgment the cascading confusing madness loses all methods…!

But like in the Biggest Tennis Fight the puzzle remains as to who is acting the wife and who the husband! No gender bias please!

Fish In Water!

Man wanted to know about a crucial difference. Wanted to know for a long long time.

So Man asked God, 'Oh Lord! Can you please tell me the difference between your love and my love?"

God smiled and replied sweetly, "My dear Son! If you insist I must tell you! My love is fish in water and your love is fish in your plate!"

                                                  (Courtesy: Based on a short text message from a friend!) 

The Jocular Interlude!

Okay, irrespective of whether you are a salesman or anybody you must be aware of the fact that God and Doctors have something very important in common. You just cannot afford to displease either. If you are foolhardy enough to make God unhappy you are likely to land up with a doctor! And, if you happen to offend a doctor you are likely to end up with God!

*****

A man dreams of having…

7 Figure Salary!

6 Figure Savings Deposit!

5 Bedroom Ownership Flat!

4 Wheeler Vehicle!

3 Weeks’ Holidays!

2 Lovely Children!

1 Dumb Wife!

                                                                                               Courtesy! Yazdi N Engineer.

Silence Of The Lamps!

Just remembered one very old joke that was doing its rounds in our childhood days. Immensely liked it those times and never forgot it till today! So why not put it out here for all of you! Though many of you may already know it or might have disliked it and for many more it could be clichéd. But no harm done in view of the ever building tension and suspense for the India-Pakistan Asia Cup encounter this Super Sunday.

Two drunks were having a heated debate under a street lamp quite late in the night. One said one thing and the other denied it vehemently.

“See how beautiful the bright shining sun looks!”

“Are you crazy buddy? This is the most beautiful blessed full moon I have ever witnessed!”

‘It’s indeed the sun!’ and ‘No, this is the moon!’ rent the still night air in the lonely street and the noise was getting louder all the time.

At that moment a third drunk happened to pass by. The two debaters decided to take the third opinion to settle the issue.

“Hey pal, just a minute please!’ Pointing at the street lamp above, “Please tell us is this the sun or the moon?”

“Very sorry, guys! I am new to this area!”

Better you laugh, because the noisy debate about the result of today’s cricket match is still raging! Laugh, laugh and enjoy! If India win you shriek with laughter hoping to watch another classic soon! If India lose you laugh more being grateful for the opportunity to enjoy a rare blockbuster!

Husband And Wife—The Law of Equality!

At the start of the New Year a good friend of mine sent me a joke on the husband-wife syndrome. While talking about a certain ‘Law of Equality’ it says,” The time taken by a wife  when she says to her waiting husband ‘I’ll get ready in five minutes’ is exactly equal to the time taken by a husband when he tells his wife from office ‘I’ll call you back in five minutes!’”

This reminds me of an old joke about couples where the law of equality seems to be maintained in some measure. “A couple quarreled bitterly and they were not on talking terms. It was night and the logjam continued. Now, the hubby had to go for an urgent appointment early in the morning and he did not believe in the alarm clock because he used to shut it up on the very first ring. He needed his wife’s help, but how? So he left a note by her pillow-side that said ‘Please wake me up at 7am’. He overslept and finally waking up found the clock striking 8. He jumped up and as he began cursing the institution of marriage he saw the note by his pillow-side. His wife’s note said ‘It’s 7! Please wake up!’

In another very crucial segment of marital existence namely ‘the division of labor’, this particular law gets a little weaker. Normally the wife is very concerned about the burden of work she is being subjected to and the burden her husband takes on or pretends to take on. If she fully manages the kitchen the husband has to take care of setting the dinner table, filling the water jars and doing the beds. But the law ultimately gets very biased and partisan. Hubby returns home after a hard day’s work looking for a warm cup of tea from his darling wife, but he faces the music instantly. His ‘over-burdened’ partner exclaims, ‘What do you do in office? Just relax in air-conditioned comfort and gossip with your friends and pretty secretaries the whole goddamned day! You make the tea for you and me too now! Else you are not going to get your supper!’ 

Sideburns! More!

***My grandmother had a thorough way of getting fully posted on any topic the answers to which she might have known already. She used to make sure she had all the details and the necessary action taken. For that she asked the same question at least three times though in varied forms of longer to shorter and to short.  Here is an example of what she used to ask me almost everyday. ‘Dearest, have you eaten your lunch?’ ‘Yes, grandma.’ ‘You have eaten?’ ‘Yes, grandma.’  ‘Eaten, no?’ ‘Yes, grandma!’ I took it as an expression of her tremendous love for me which was the case indeed.

***Greatly angered by inaction of one of his subordinates the boss one day stormed into the subordinate’s room and shouted, ‘Look Mr… My last warning to you! I want results! Don’t continue sitting on the files!’ And he stormed out. The dazed subordinate lifted the cushions of his seat moment the boss left and muttered, ‘What the hell…!’ Not a joke, mind you!

***Once in a project we were trying out young interns for casual work. One lady in a different department used to help us in various ways from technical to routine. That lady knew little English, had a peculiar accent and just managed to convey her thoughts to us. One day she came to my room and said,’ You see… three girls available. You can use if you want!’ Putting on a straight face I asked,’ But have you told them about our consolidated payments?’ ‘Nothing! It’s free!’ I was horrified even though I knew she just conveyed her helpful thoughts!

From Jaipur With Music...

Meantime back from Jaipur--the Pink City--today. Ragini performed in the 43rd Mahashivaratri Sangeet Samaroh there. A breathtaking venue called Gaitore Ki Chhatriya consisting of royal monuments including an ancient Shiva temple and surrounded by hills. A temple of Ganesha on the right atop a steep hill. The color pink is very predominant all around Jaipur. Sawai Man Singh II who was the last ruling monarch of Rajasthan liked this color and made ample use of it in his campaign for modernization of Rajasthan and capital Jaipur. 

A beautiful place to visit. We also visited the Amber Fort and the Jaigarh Fort. The world's largest canon at Jaigarh Fort was really spectacular. Mounted on wheels it has a range of 22 miles and one blast needs 100 kilos of gunpowder. It is said because of terror inspiring defense no enemy dared attack Rajasthan and the canon needed to fire only test blasts.

The Ajmer Dargah Sharif  is world's second most sacred and India's first. People of all religions visit this pilgrimage to fulfill their wishes. Just near Ajmer is a small town called Pushkar which is also a major tourist attraction for its Brahma temple and a lake surrounded by nearly thousand temples. Pushkar is the only place in the world where Lord Brahma is worshiped and there is beautiful story about it.

Sardarji Jokes! Laugh At Yourself!

In India ethnic stereotype jokes have been common. The most popular and widespread among them are the Sardarji jokes. Sardarji is the male stereotype of the Sikh community--a religious community known for its bravery, chivalry and extreme hard work over the centuries. Their state Punjab is one of the most prosperous in India. 

There are many theories why jokes have been made at their expense; there have been many protests by the Sikh community on different occasions; but, it has been widely agreed upon that basically all these jokes are good nature humor and that many other ethnic stereotypes are also available for cutting jokes at in India including the south Indians, particular business communities  and particular professions.

The most positive attribute of Sardarji jokes is that stalwarts like Khuswant Singh  and other Sikh personalities themselves wrote so many lucid  Sardar jokes. This proves the sterling quality of the Sikhs 'to laugh at themselves'. For proper understanding and appreciation of humor everyone should definitely imbibe this capability. I have found many of my Sikh colleagues totally partaking in and enjoying such jokes.

Well, just thought about this issue and would like to have inputs from readers.

Let the humor flow on. Just not being able to  avoid mentioning one classic joke. One noted Sikh politician of yore was once to deliver a public speech which was to last for roughly ten minutes. But at the actual eventuality the leader's speech went on and on for more than thirty minutes. Top bureaucrats were confused. How did it happen? The slip was found by the personal assistant at last. By mistake three copies of the same speech were given to the leader!

Jai Ho!