Humor: The Colors Of News!

The editor was at his wits end trying rather too hard to optimize his limited resources for an assignment that was as sudden as was demanding. He had to arrange several guests for a prestigious live newscast in the main circuit of the channel on a short notice. The guests were all big shots including top retired executives and professionals. As he proceeded on his assignment he began to learn to his dismay that super egos never cease to exist and become even more powerful after retirement or with age.

Two of the required panelists were the most nerve racking experiences he ever had. They lived very near to the studio of the channel and the editor expected they would just come down. When it was time for the arrival of the first guest the guy in the central office called telling him frantically that the eminent guest was waiting for office transport. The editor was completely taken aback because the guest did not tell him about the requirement and he could not arrange a car immediately now. So the called up the guest:

“Sir, sorry I was not aware you needed a transport. Sir…!”

“…How do you mean? Every other channel does that…I am not supposed to move on my own! This atrociously poor planning on your part!”

“…Sir, please understand I’m helpless at this moment. Sir, we offer a good honorarium that also includes a good conveyance amount for eminent guests. Please consider…!”

“You offer me money! Am I employed by your channel…am I on your duty? I’m not coming! ”

“No…no…Sir! Only for this time please consider!”

“…Okay! Who are the other guests participating?”

“Sir…Mr. X, Mr. Y and …!”

“Enough! I’m not coming!” he cut the line.

He did come down finally, refused the cup of coffee offered, but signed the honorarium contract.

While the first guest was finally inside the studio the editor got a call asking him to arrange another guest immediately. This time, he asked the guest after having him confirmed for the show if he required transport since he too lived almost adjacent to the studio. The second guest to the editor’s utter disbelief said yes—he needed office transport. He tried everything possible on earth to arrange a car, but failed due to the extremely short notice.  So he called up the guest:

“Sir…I’m very sorry...you know our constraints through your long association with us. At this moment I’m helpless…Sir, please consider!”

“I do know your constraints…but it’s your duty always. I’m not coming! No other channel asks me to venture out on my own!”

“Sir, we offer a good honorarium that also includes a good conveyance amount for eminent guests. Please consider…!”

“I don’t want your bloody money! I’m not a beggar!”

“Sir…please! Honorariums are offered to eminent figures like you out of our deep appreciation and respect, and not to beggars…in fact alms are offered…!”

“This is most atrociously poor planning on your part! I’d look if my driver is available…don’t expect me to drive down on my own!”

He did come down finally. He turned away the coffee offered saying it was cold. After the discussion the editor ordered hot steaming coffee for him. Finally the second guest left smiling saying that his motive for coming to such shows was never money, but a social service. However, he did sign the honorarium contract.

Luckily it was the festival of colors or Holi Festival the next day, and therefore he could immerse his anger and frustrations into layers and layers of myriad colors! Happy Holi!

Beaten Cop Gets Suspended, Suspended MLAs Get Bail!

It is precisely because of the unique title that this post is getting written. True, you can hope to find anything possible under the sun in India, but such titles only in a while. We have told you earlier about the increasing conflict between the politicians and policemen of this country. There we had mentioned the unprecedented nature of the incident—a cop getting beaten up inside the august institution of the Maharashtra Assembly by a group of elected representatives belonging to various political parties. Following the national outrage over the issue the constitutional body suspended five Members of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) and over the next few days the Budget Session has been continuously disrupted. Infuriated by the suspension the MLAs have been demanding that the beaten up cop be suspended from service too for his alleged misbehavior with one of the accused MLAs on a case of over speeding. 

Maybe greatly concerned over the loss of working days the state Home Minister RR Patil today announced the decision to suspend the beaten up police sub-inspector. The Minister justified his decision by stating that he had reportedly examined a CD of the verbal duel between the MLA and the cop during that incident of over speeding, and reportedly found that the cop had indeed crossed his limits of decency. But of course, the Minister assured that there will be committees to probe into the incident and the policeman will continue to be under suspension till the inquiry is over. And by the way, the unprecedented cop-bashing is not to be forgotten as the Minister announced more committees to probe that too. 

Meanwhile, the two suspended MLAs were arrested after they surrendered to the Crime Branch of Mumbai Police and were remanded to judicial custody. Their bail plea was to be heard on Monday. Today, a local Mumbai court released them on bail with some conditions. Now, it seems that the next priority for the elected representatives would be to get the suspension order of five MLAs revoked. Till then, the pandemonium is likely to continue. To make matters worse, the Maharashtra Assembly this time is not only miffed with the policemen but also with the media. A kind of a mutually agreed boycott of the media has been going on for the last few days mainly due to a ‘sensational’ presentation of the cop-bashing incident by a news channel. Reporters of various other ‘responsible’ channels are honestly covering the proceedings everyday, but they are also deprived of bytes or interviews by the representatives of all political parties including the ruling combine. Call the shots as you always do, O’…politicians!

Test Cricket: India Win Delhi Thriller To Sweep Australia 4-0!

Cheteshwar Pujara (82 not out) and Virat Kohli (41) made the tricky Delhi pitch look easy as they helped India romp home crushing Australia by 6 wickets in the fourth Test match today and India swept the Series 4-0—for the first time against mighty Australia.  They lifted the Border-Gavaskar Trophy 2013 after throwing it away in Australia exactly in the reverse manner of a 0-4 drubbing. It was a great moment when the legends Alan Border and Sunil Gavaskar presented the Trophy to the winning captain MS Dhoni.

Cheteshwar Pujara

Justifying his tag as the new ‘wall’ of India Mr. Consistent Pujara played an outstanding unbeaten innings seeing through the end. Virat Kohli who was expected to play a crucial role today gave him perfect company and nearly achieved the target of 155 runs between themselves. The most positive aspect of these two youngsters was that they did not play in fear or in anticipation of the tricky pitch and just batted naturally facing Lyon and Maxwell with authority. They hit boundaries regularly and stole singles at every opportunity racing to 50 in the ninth over and 100 in the twentieth over. The highest run-scorer of the Series Murali Vijay (430 runs) fell to an awkward shot early on and there were a few hiccups when Tendulkar and Rahane followed Kohli in quick succession as if not to rob the suspense out of a genuine thriller. And it was all over within three days. 

Jadeja and Ashwin

On the bowling front, man-of-the-match Ravindra Jadeja delivered a five-wicket haul with some superlative spin bowling foxing the batsmen all the time and nearly achieving a hattrick. Man-of-the-Series Ravichandran Ashwin captured two wickets today taking his tally to an astonishing 29 wickets—the highest of the Series followed by Jadeja with 24 and Nathan Lyon with 15.

Earlier, Lyon got the remaining two Indian wickets out quickly and Australia conceded just 10 lead to India. At that moment the Delhi Test was still anybody’s game. However, Australia failed to live up to the highs achieved yesterday and their batsmen fell in heaps thanks more to the mindset and the fear of the conditions than to batting prowess and application. Fast bowler Peter Siddle again emerged as the only Australian batsman of substance making his second half century of the match. This is enough to prove that the pitch was not exactly a demon that could devour a full batting line-up within two sessions for a paltry 164. At that point too, 12 wickets had fallen for just 170 runs and all the anxiety and tension of the Indian fans was focused on how India would go about it. When they just about relaxed with Pujara and Kohli taking the match away from Australia, wickets started falling. The best Indian captain ever MS Dhoni thought enough was enough and ensured the absolute victory with the resolute Pujara. The Scorecard:

The Border-Gavaskar Trophy Test Series in India will be remembered for a host of healthy and positive reasons. Team India achieved this whitewash with a lot of promising youngsters and without the greats of Dravid, Laxman, Gambhir and Sehwag; the super comeback of the Indian captain Dhoni with a wonderful double hundred in the Chennai Test; Cheteshwar Pujara double hundred and his record 370 run partnership with Murali Vijay for the second wicket in the Hyderabad Test; the dream debut of Shikhar Dhawan with the fastest debut hundred and his record 289 run opening partnership with Vijay in the Mohlai Test; the Jadeja avatar of a Test all-rounder and a class act of specialist spin bowling by Ashwin and Jadeja. For Australia it’d be better if they forget this Series fast—forget particularly the unprecedented episode of axing key players for team indiscipline—and try coming back to their usual tough and competitive cricket. Australia never had a 0-4 whitewash since 1970 when they suffered this humiliation against South Africa in South Africa.

A long domestic season ends for India that started with a Series win against New Zealand, a shock loss against England and a huge triumph against Australia.  Genuine cricket is over for the moment, the revelers of the game may get ready for IPL-6 that unfolds from 3^rdApril.