Humor: The Swarm In A Teacup!

Say No To Tea!

We have already seen how some snobbish and ludicrous bosses try to cut down on wasteful office expenditures. All such characters necessarily boil down to the entirely harmless cup of tea. They deprive their lesser colleagues and visitors of their intrinsic right to a cup of tea as if by doing that they manage to save a whole lot of expenditures. This is only an extreme case of being pound-foolish and penny-wise. At the moment we would like to regale you with another classic example concerning your harmless cup of tea.

The boss in a local production house wanted to adopt austerity measures and it was factually doubtful if he was actually directed by his headquarters to do so. And he came down heavily on the tea served now and then from the hospitality budget. Maybe he wanted to show his tea-clout as some of his furious colleagues would like to say. The office hospitality account was available to him and the next two in the hierarchy, but suddenly the boss started book-keeping keeping a register close to his heart and checking it every alternate hour for possible tea entries. There was an immediate austere impact as the eligible colleagues gave up on the hospitality and decided they earned enough money to buy and serve their tea. Meanwhile the boss continued to have his breakfasts, lunches and snacks from the hospitality apart from the tea.

There was a recording that day which involved a VVIP, and a large entourage, as usual, was expected. The officer in charge of the recording thought that since it was strictly official the boss would order tea for all in the rehearsal.

The tea did come indeed as the peon entered with the tray and placed a cup of tea in front of the VVIP. Then the peon went out and the officer in charge hoped that he would reenter with more cups for the other visitors. But that never happened. In huge embarrassment and anger he stormed out and shouted at the peon for such uncouth manners. The hapless peon stammered that the boss ordered him to bring only one cup of tea. The furious and frustrated officer took out his purse, handed out a note and instructed the peon to bring tea for all and a cup specially offered for the boss. And, he took a resolve then and there never to take tea from the hospitality account.

Well, what people do to save a few cups of tea! In India, normally a full cup of tea is never offered and people are used to take only ‘cutting’ tea and in most offices in India the rates for ‘cutting’ tea is 4 rupees per cup. Therefore, if you serve tea to ten people per day your office incurs a cost of 40 rupees and maximum of 1200 rupees a month—a little more that 18 dollars (at current rates). There go your austerity measures!

Cricket: Sachin Tendulkar To Bow Out At 200 And Retire?

The Indian cricket legend Sachin Tendulkar has crossed forty years of age having a glorious 24-year-long career during which he created and broke many world records and made 15,837 runs in 198 Tests with 51 hundreds. He has achieved the unique feat of scoring a century of centuries when we add 49 one-day hundreds to his Test tally. However, all good things finally come to an inevitable conclusion and therefore in case of this unbelievable cricketer too speculation about his retirement has been rife, particularly after he announced his retirement from one-day and T20 cricket rather suddenly. During the IPL-6 he suffered an injury to his left hand which perhaps advanced his retirement from IPL too. Meanwhile, he did recover fully from his injury and has been included in Mumbai Indians team for the Champions League this month. But two basic problems persisted all the time, first his age and second his indifferent form in Test cricket for the last 38 innings that did not witness a single century. On Sunday a sudden BCCI decision has brought this issue to the forefront again.

The BCCI in its meeting in Kolkata made an announcement about West Indies being invited to play a two-Test Series this November and reports say that West Indies has already agreed. This was really unexpected because India is already committed to play a bilateral Series in South Africa this November, 2013-January, 2014. Australia is coming in October for a 7-match ODI Series. From February to September, 2014 India have a packed cricket schedule too with West Indies coming for a full bilateral tour in October-November. Moreover, South Africa has not reacted well to this unilateral decision and what changes it agrees to make in the itinerary is to be seen.

The BCCI decision therefore is being clearly seen as a move to help the little master to complete the unique feat of figuring in 200 Tests on home soil. A feat no cricketer of the world has achieved so far. The two Tests are likely to be played in India’s cricket heaven Kolkata and the legend’s home-ground Mumbai. Nobody would ever want to miss out on the little maestro’s 200^th Test in Mumbai and BCCI would definitely go to any extent to stage this momentous event. And befitting such a climax of climaxes Sachin Tendulkar would definitely to bow out after that saying a grateful goodbye to his fans and admirers all over. Yes, all good things do come to an end. But are we ready yet to see the last of our living legend Sachin Tendulkar?

Newsroom Humor: In Search Of The Dollar!

Even as the busy professionals of the local news channel get about making feature/interview stories on the nosediving Indian rupee against the US dollar in their inner minds they get perturbed too. They get the bytes of experts disturbing them further that the freefall is likely to continue for months and it would cross even the 80 rupees per dollar mark. Their meager salaries too threaten to mire them in the devaluation sludge.

Schemes for the poor like the Food Security Bill that promises to make staple grains available at 1-2-3 rupees per kilo bring out the contrast of the devaluation. They wonder aloud as the amused editor takes note:

“My goodness! See what just a single dollar can buy now in India! 68 kilos of coarse grains, 34 kilos of wheat and nearly 23 kilos of rice (at current rupee-dollar rate)!”

“Right! I have one solution. Pay salaries to all of us Indians in terms of dollars! Then you won’t need to implement any pro-poor schemes or programs ever.”

Of course, they laugh away the incredibility of the whole thing. Some other brainy buddies suggest other options as the amused editor looks on:

“High time we leave India!”

“Where? America? You are hardly welcome there nowadays, pal!”

“Well, we can still choose other countries where they pay you in dollars. And we must settle there. See, you go to study there your costs increase now by nearly 30 percent.”

“Okay…let us discuss this with our elders and parents. Maybe something acceptable emerges out!”

Of course, they grin away the impracticality of the whole thing. However, they get some news immediately that only corroborates their mutual consternation. A 68-year-old lonely Indian settled in the USA wants to get married and gives out matrimonial ads hoping to find a few applications from maybe 45+ or 50+ Indian ladies. But whoa! He gets more than 150 applications and counting that include even young girls in their twenties.

In view of the dollar-psychosis threatening to go viral it would be in America’s national interests to do something positive from their side too to boost the value of the hapless rupee or else face the biggest exodus of the Indian kind of the millennium!