Cricket Shame and Magnanimous Dhoni!

Team India suffered the worst defeat under the so-called aggressive captain M S Dhoni, beaten by England at Trent Bridge today, the 1^st of August. The second defeat of the ongoing test series with a margin of 319 runs, the first test margin being 195.

Team India has almost lost the series and gave away the No.1 position in test cricket after just about two years. But, did they at all deserve to be the No.1? Team India and the Indian cricket Board are more comfortable with limited overs games, immense money, absolute power and an overwhelming dose of generosity to get more mileage. What they do in real cricket is hardly of interest. Now, if you compare them with Australia the following scenario will emerge:

Would Australia have:

•     Done the same thing as Dhoni did to an admittedly naive Ian Bell given rightfully out by the umpire?

•    Given away the advantage after putting England at 124 for 8?

•    Allowed England to gleefully score their highest ever 417 runs in a single day’s play?

•   Crowned most of the England bowlers as the instantly best ever all-rounders in world cricket?

•    Played a listless Harbhajan again and again?

•  Allowed limited overs experts to come into the team as replacements? 

•  Kept quiet over a consistently non-performing captain?

The answer to all these questions is a big NO. And that’s why Australia dominated world cricket as the No.1 team for nearly a decade and a half and still lurking to come back bang. You may hate them for a variety of reasons, but cannot take away their authority.

In India, cricketers are being groomed only for the T20 format of the money-spinning Indian Premier League. What is not understood is that such players cannot take the demands of test cricket. Only good test cricket players are likely to excel in all forms of the game. The focus is all wrong. You just cannot escape with time tested colonial excuse.

Team India, try to play real cricket, for a change! 

Comedy: Competitive Corruption!

Of late corruption has become a highly competitive phenomenon. It depends on the partaker to call it healthy or unhealthy. But definitely, it has a bonanza of benefits for all the corrupt irrespective of profession caste creed ilk language or anything.

Now, you need not take instant decisions on quitting even if you are caught red-handed. You look at your adversary straight in the face and announce, ‘You have done it too! On a much bigger scale! You resign first, and then only I will see!’

Some unfortunate corrupt souls ultimately had to land up in jails. One of them recently said that he was suffering from dementia or memory loss. Apart from the fact that all corrupt have to be demented, ‘memory loss’ is open for speculation. If it’s ‘short term memory loss’ or more specifically ‘till-I-get-the-bail term memory loss’, the affected should do what Aamir Khan did as the hero in a huge Hindi movie called ‘Ghajini’. The method has instant benefits. You are really transparent with your physical body bearing the brunt of your corrupt deeds. It helps you too to remember which money of which deed you put in which bank. A big plus, you are likely to be the hero too! Nobody would bother you with right to information queries.

Corruption competition has become so rampant that you can have very amusing situations enacted for you. Suppose one political party in power announces one fine morning, ‘Corruption is very bad. We condemn corruption.’ The opposition party that had to oppose anything uttered by the ruling one would retort back, ‘You have no moral right to say that! We condemn you! Corruption is very good!’

Well, if you are not corrupt still or not to the desired level, you are missing a great opportunity to partake indulge and prosper in the great competition.

Delhi Belly! Smart Little Shit Film!

Normally we express our agitated emotions in multiples of ‘Oh shit!’ After watching Delhi Belly where we confront real shit we go to absurd limits of our shit expressions! This has been such an astounding reality of human existence that even Aamir Khan, the beloved clean hero of India, had to realize it at last! In addition to the shit the film also offends us in several other details which we prefer to keep under the blanket safely, untold. The civilized hypocrites that we always are, we tend to ignore the biological aspects of our lives. Delhi Belly scores heavily by presenting these details in an uninhibited explicit (call it realistic) way which throws vulgarity out of the window. Biological humor, abuses etc are not uncommon to Bollywood movies, but they are always loud crude and vulgar.

Produced by Aamir Khan Productions, written by young newbie Akshat Verma and directed by Abhinay Deo, Delhi Belly is a very well made film with beautiful shot compositions, brilliant takings and fast paced narrative. The film flows naturally with nothing being done forcefully and is absolutely without jerks. The plot revolves around three working bachelors Tashi (Imran Khan), Nitin (Kunal Kapoor) and Arup (Vir Das). Tashi had to deliver an important courier package, but due to tie-ups with his fiancée he asked Nitin to do so. Nitin, on his extra-curricular ventures, ate tandoori chicken from Delhi street sides and suffered an unstoppable bout of diarrhea. So, Nitin entrusts the job to Arup along with a second package containing stool sample for the clinic. Now, Arup made such a mess of delivering the packages that the local Don, expecting a packet of precious diamonds, finds shit on his table. The film gets into a mad rush of chases, encounters and weird situations that seem logical, believable and almost realistic. Meant as a comedy the film is hilarious throughout and at places, screamingly funny supported by competent restrained performances all around. Delhi Belly is mature entertainment for adults.

The film is good news for Bollywood too, because a mainstream film, can even call it a blockbuster due to Aamir’s association, on a totally off-beat theme becomes a super hit. This also defeats the theory that we need spicy or masala films to entertain the Indian masses. Indian audience has become mature and you can now make your films for your target audiences. If it’s a good film it will definitely reward your investments. 

The questions are doing rounds everywhere ‘How can someone like Aamir Khan do this?’ ‘We never expected this from you!’ ‘We are shocked!’ Well, my advice to you is this: Aamir Khan is a damn good businessman, a creator and someone who knows India. Second, this is only natural that Aamir too has to have a bad stomach sometimes! His item number at the end of film only highlights the movie's theme!

Enjoy the film bindaas!